why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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