so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
