I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
