i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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