Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This baby is an asshole
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
