You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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