You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
