I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
