suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just had sex on a roof
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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