i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
