I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
