Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
