quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
