i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
