he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
