im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
