I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
