I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize