I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
