i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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