She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
