She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
