dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
