life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Im part way to drunk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
