You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sober January is a disaster.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
