I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
