Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
