Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
