White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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