mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
