took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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