Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
