The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
