He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize