I think my vagina is haunted
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
