I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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