Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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