there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
