And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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