I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
