Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
