nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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