wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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