he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
