my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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