Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
