I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
