I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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