U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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