whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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