hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
