Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i out mim tonsoeep
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
