stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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