Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
