clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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