my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
