he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
