I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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