you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
