i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
