Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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