I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
