I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
