watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
