I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
