We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
