He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
