when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
