Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
