i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
