I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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